This Long Winding Road
by LovelyLovelyLove
Summary: Determined to live her life, regardless of the danger it will bring, Lucy leaves home. The road ahead is long and winding, with lots of twists and turns. Picking up an unplanned passenger, things are about to get a lot more interesting. T for now
1. Scuffle In The Ladies Room

**Ok. So, I'm currently in the car on my way back to my home town. Second day of driving, and still have 8 hours left to go. Sigh.**

 _ **But**_ **, I got this idea and figured it would be the perfect time to write it. A fresh idea with inspiration all around me (you'll see what I mean). This story may either be short (10 chapters at most) or it may go on for longer. I have no idea where this idea will lead me. I guess we'll all find out together ;)**

 **Anyhoo, I hope you all enjoy it! :)**

Lucy squinted at the sign illuminated by her headlights, smothering a yawn and flicking her blinker on.

She didn't want to stop, but she was in need of gas, coffee, and a restroom. Two of those things really couldn't wait. It had been a long drive, and she still had so much ground to cover before she'd even consider herself safe.

Sighing heavily through her nose, she eased her powder blue four door up to one of the rest area's gas pumps and took her keys out of the ignition.

Once she was free from her seat belt, she took a moment to close her eyes, resting her forehead against the steering wheel.

For the last two days she'd spent driving, she'd been trying to ignore the whispers in her mind, telling her that she was making a huge mistake. The blonde had considered turning around several times, but the thought of willinglyreturning to that cold _lifeless_ house stopped her before she even turned the wheel.

She refused to continue living her life that way. It wasn't even _living_. She'd been stuck for too long now, never getting anywhere from behind locked doors and barred windows.

Lucy wanted to go and live her life while she was young. She wanted to go on adventures, make friends, maybe even fall in love. At the age of twenty-one, she'd hardly experienced anything. Never once made a friend that wasn't paid to be there.

She had to do this, she reminded herself, straightening in her seat and steeling her resolve.

 _The target on her back be damned._

}{}{}{

Leg bouncing restlessly under the wooden desk, Natsu watched the clock on the wall, willing it to move just a little bit faster.

It moved a smidge.

Groaning, he slumped forward, letting his head hit the solid wood with a thud.

The last ten minutes of his shift always drove him insane, slowly dragging by. He was convinced the clock did it on purpose, knowing how much he hated working in this godsforsaken place.

Natsu Dragneel was not the kind of person who could sit still for very long.

Yeah, meeting strangers everyday proved to be interesting enough, but most of the people traveling through hardly paid him any mind. They were too focused on getting gas at the self paying pumps, using the restrooms or the vending machines, and then getting back on the road as quickly as they could.

He was only there in case anyone needed directions, to make sure the area was clean, and to keep everything stocked. It was lame, and pointless, but it was money. And he really needed any money he could get. Anything to get him out of this town.

Trying to find a place to hire him had been hard, but he'd expected that. The moment anyone realized he was a Dragneel, they'd shy away, sometimes even being so bold to tell him to leave.

The pinkette sighed tiredly, absentmindedly rubbing at the scar on the side of his neck when it gave a phantom throb.

Anger heated the blood in his veins and his hands clenched into tight fists. It didn't matter that it had been almost three years since the incident, it still pissed him off just as much as it did at the time.

So lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the petite blonde walk through the door and head straight for the women's restroom.

Nor did he notice the man that followed shortly after.

}{}{}{

Lucy leaned heavily against the porcelain sink for a moment, before flicking on the cold water and splashing some on her face.

The shock of frigid water against her skin sent a jolt through her system, clearing some of the fog in her mind. It wasn't a permanent fix, she could still feel the pull of exhaustion weighing heavy on her eyelids, but she was hoping a large steaming cup of coffee would fix that.

Pulling her cross-shoulder bag in front of her, she dug for her wallet, vaguely noticing the sound of the restroom door opening and shutting with a soft click. Using only public restrooms for two days made her grow used to other women constantly entering or leaving around her.

She had finally wrapped her fingers around the faux leather accessory when a large hand dropped onto her shoulder. Fingers gripped harshly, and then everything happened faster than her mind could comprehend.

One moment she was standing there holding her wallet, and the next she was airborne, before crashing into the stalls. Her body had barely touched the tiled floor when she was yanked upwards, the bruising grip around her throat holding her up so high that her toes were clear off the ground.

Wide brown eyes met narrowed onyx as her hand flew to the hand curled around her throat, nails desperately clawing at skin. Even as they sliced flesh, her attacker didn't so much as flinch.

"Found you."

}{}{}{

A loud crash had Natsu jerking out of his thoughts, head snapping towards the closed restroom door. He could've sworn no one had passed his desk, and a quick glance at the clock showed only seven minutes had passed since he last checked.

Unsure of how to respond, he rose from his chair and slowly made his way to the door, pressing his ear against the cool wood. Hearing nothing but an odd shuffling sound, he lifted his hand and gave a hesitant knock.

"Hello?" He called, wincing at the way his voice cracked after remaining unused for so long.

The shuffling continued, followed by what sounded like a soft whine, but he wasn't sure.

Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Hello? Is everything okay in there?"

Something wriggled at the back of his mind, urging him to push the door open and peer inside.

He was hesitant to, though. With everything this town thought of him already, he didn't need 'pervert' added to the list.

But something felt wrong. There was an odd tension in the air, so heavy he could almost taste it on his tongue. Bitter, and pungent. Something wicked.

Just as he was about to knock once more, a choked sob from behind the door had his body moving before his brain could even register the sound.

Natsu barreled through, skidding to a halt at what he saw.

A small blonde woman was being held in the air by a hand wrapped around her throat. Her face had turned such a deep shade of red from lack of oxygen that it was almost purple, and her legs kicked wildly, desperately seeking purchase.

The man strangling her was more giant than man, his unruly orange hair nearly brushing the ceiling, and his black leather jacket straining to contain his bulging muscles.

Natsu had never seen a man so large in all of his life, and it was the only reason he had stopped.

An idea struck him and he turned on his heel, sprinting to the fire emergency box mounted on the wall under the clock. Without thinking too much of it, he grabbed a stapler off his desk and smashed the glass.

Uncaring of the broken glass everywhere, he yanked the extinguisher out of the box and darted back to the women's restroom.

A quick glance at the blonde growing limp in the man's hold was all the time he spared before he cracked the extinguisher against his head, all twelve years of previous baseball experience fueling the swing.

The man dropped the blonde in shock, staggering to the side with a grunt of pain, dropping to the ground a moment later.

Natsu didn't wait to see if he was unconscious. Even if he knew how to fight, he also was smart enough to know a beast like that would wipe the floor with him.

The pinkette lunged forward and scooped the wheezing and hacking blonde off of the floor, snatching her purse and wallet off the ground without thought, before sprinting out of the room.

He didn't stop to answer the confused look the guy taking the next shift cast his way, merely shouting over his shoulder before leaving the rest area all together.

"Call the cops about the guy in the women's room. He attacked this chick."

Bursting out into the cool night air, he looked both ways, realizing he had no idea where he was going. He didn't have a vehicle of his own, choosing to walk the distance between work and back instead. Well not exactly choosing. He could barely afford groceries, much less a car or gas.

The woman started squirming in his grasp, trying to wiggle her way out of his arms.

Not wanting to make her feel threatened in any way, he gently lowered her so that her feet touched the ground. His hand stayed bracing her arm until he knew her shaking legs wouldn't buckle before releasing her.

Clearing his throat, he glanced around them, paranoid and nervous about anymore attacks.

"Um, we really should get out of here in case he wakes up. This town is too small to have its own police station, so they come from the next town over. It takes awhile. But…"He paused, wincing sympathetically as she rubbed at her throat with a grimace of pain. "I don't know where you need to go."

The blonde coughed into her arm, before looking up at him.

Under the streetlight, her dark eyes seemed almost black, but what struck him was how exhausted they were. Now that he was looking closer, he noticed the bags under her eyes and wondered when the last time she'd slept.

"My car is by the pumps." She whispered, voice hoarse and raspy.

Natsu nodded, placing his hand lightly on her back and leading her forward.

Her shoulders were tense, but he couldn't blame her. After what just happened, he wouldn't trust anyone much either. He couldn't help but feel surprised at how well she was taking all of this. Either she was in shock or, dare he say it, she was used to things like this. It wasn't normal to be as calm as she was after an assault like that. He knew that for a fact.

As soon as the pair reached the only car at the pumps, they stopped, Natsu dropping his hand from her back once she'd opened the driver's door.

"Well, I-"

"Um-"

Both chuckling lightly, Natsu gestured for her to speak first.

She remains silent for a long time, so long that he starts to think she won't speak at all. He opens his mouth, but her small hand grips his much larger one suddenly, and he shallows the words back down.

"Thank you, for what you did back there." She whispers, gratitude swimming in her eyes.

Green eyes study her features for a moment, taking in once again how tired she looks. Her pink tank top was wrinkled, as were her black yoga pants. The dark grey hoodie tied around her waist looked several sizes too large for her petite frame, swallowing her body from waist to knee. Light hair, blonde he knew from what he saw inside, glitters from the haphazard pony tail it had been thrown in into.

"It's not a problem… where are you heading?"

She glances around them, then leans in closer, like she's afraid that someone will hear her. "Magnolia."

Eyes widening in surprise, Natsu whistles lowly. "That's going to take a long time just driving."

Her bare shoulders droop, and Natsu suddenly wished he could suck the words right back in. An apology is at the tip of his tongue, but she's already speaking.

"I know, and I should really get back on the road." She looked at him for a moment. "Can I drop you off somewhere?"

Shaking his head and about to decline the offer, Natsu was interrupted by the sound of the front doors wrenching open so hard that the glass paneling shattered along the sidewalk.

"Heartfilia!" A booming voice bellowed into the night, causing them both to flinch.

The blonde next to him tensed for only a moment before grabbing his arm, wrenching the back door open and shoving him inside with strength he did not expect such a small woman to have.

With a yelp, he landed on his stomach, sprawled across the leather seats and he quickly jerked his feet inside the vehicle before she could slam the door on them.

Within moments she was in the driver's side with the engine started, peeling out of the parking lot and on to open road.

Natsu rose to his knees, peering out the back window just in time to see the man he'd knocked unconscious run out into the road after them. The orange haired giant shouted something in their direction before whipping out a cellphone and walking back the way he came.

Even when the rest area was no longer in sight, the blonde never slowed down.

"Uh…care to explain why that guy was after you?" He asked, trying to sound casual as he sat down and fastened his seat belt.

The scream that flew from her mouth would have been glass shattering if it had not been for the raspy quality of it.

Natsu held on to whatever his hands could find as the car sharply veered left before it was wrenched back into its original lane.

"Oh my- _fuck._ I forgot you were here!" She croaked, glancing at him from the rear view mirror with wide surprised eyes.

The pinkette chuckled nervously as the sign for his street flew by in a blur.

"Yep. Still here…so we just passed my street… _Oh my gods don't fucking do that!"_ He screeched, bracing himself on the seat in front of him as the car was brought to a squealing halt. His seat belt bit into his chest and shoulder, and he knew it would leave a nasty mark.

The car was whipped around in a haphazard u-turn, and Natsu was starting to fear for his life.

"This street?" She asked, already turning on her blinker before he could confirm or deny.

"Yeah." He winced at the squeak his voice made, clearing his throat and trying again. "Yes, the white one at the end of the cul-de-sac."

She only nodded, driving to the two story home with a rusted basketball hoop in front of the garage.

Parking the car, she turned in her seat with a small smile.

"Thanks again for saving me back there. I wish there was something I could do for you."

Natsu eyes her haggard appearance once more, something twisting in his gut. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, and the thought that she could fall asleep behind the wheel on the long drive she had ahead of her made him feel sick.

An idea struck him.

"Actually, there is something you can do for me."

She blinked at him in confusion, eyes narrowing slightly. "And what would that be?"

Natsu gave her a wide toothy grin. "Stay the night with me."

Only after the words left his mouth did he realize he probably should have worded that better.

"Excuse me?" She asked in an icy tone, dark eyes glaring at him in a way that promised pain.

Green eyes widened marginally and heat crept up the back of his neck as the implications of what he said registered.

"Oh! No, that's not what I meant. Not at all. I just meant you can crash here because you look so tired and it's not safe to drive like that and it would make me feel better knowing that you-"

A giggle stopped him short and his eyes snapped back to the source to find her hand extended to him awkwardly around the driver's seat.

"I'm Lucy, by the way."

It took him a moment, but his hand finally rose to grasp hers in a brief shake.

"Natsu."

Lucy pulled her hand back behind the seat and gave him a small nervous smile. "I should really just keep driving, but I am exhausted. And you're right, I would be a hazard on the road. As long as I'm not in the way, I'll stay."

Natsu grinned and unfastened his seat belt.

"You won't be in the way at all!"

 **Thanks for everyone who read the first chapter! Reviews are welcome and encouraged.**

 **Stay tuned for Chapter 2: Drunken Confessions.**


	2. Drunken Confessions

Lucy sighed, listening to the clinking and occasional crash coming from the kitchen. He had insisted he make them something to eat, even though it was nearing one in the morning. She was tired, but she felt as though she couldn't turn down his offer when he looked so hopeful that she would agree.

Adjusting the bag of frozen peas on her throat, brown eyes scanned the spacious living room. While large, it still held a cozy atmosphere. A large beige couch lined the wall in front of the bay window, the love seat against the wall directly in front of it. An older looking flat screen TV was mounted on the wall above a fireplace, and several soft rugs covered a good portion of the hardwood flooring.

What really drew her attention were the picture frames placed face down on the stone ledge above the fireplace. Part of her wanted to go and take a peak, but knowing that Natsu could walk back in at any minute kept her sitting on the couch. She knew there must be a reason for them to be that way, and the writer in her was dying to know the back story. The other part of her knew it was most likely a personal reason, and she respected Natsu enough not to intrude.

The man had saved her, risking himself in the process, when he didn't even know her. Cared enough about her, a complete stranger, to offer a place to sleep and food to eat.

No, she wouldn't intrude.

She owed him that much.

But still, she couldn't help but be curious.

Forcing her eyes to scan everything but the picture frames, Lucy wondered if it was only Natsu that lived in the home. It was large enough, from what she'd seen, to house at least a family of five. It seemed odd that he would live in such a large place alone, with much more space than he really needed.

Her mind was abuzz with questions and it really wasn't helping how exhausted she was.

Grimacing, she closed her eyes and rubbed at her forehead when it gave a dull ache, knowing that if she didn't get some sleep soon she'd more than likely would wake up with a headache.

Lost in her thoughts, eyes still closed, she jolted when Natsu's voice sounded much closer than the kitchen.

"I didn't have much, but I was able to throw together some spaghetti. It's just store bought sauce. I hope that's ok."

Brown eyes honed in on the two heaping plates of noodles as he set them down on the coffee table in front of her, and her stomach growled. Loudly.

Pink dusted her cheeks and she placed a hand against her abdomen, as though the touch alone would silence it.

A fork was thrust her way and she plucked it from his fingers, avoiding eye contact in embarrassment.

Natsu only chuckled good-naturedly and took a massive fork full of his own pasta.

She watched with wide eyes as he barely chewed before swallowing loudly. "Dig in before it gets cold."

As he inhaled his food, she ate hers at a more subdued pace. The only sounds in the room where the ticking of an antique looking clock on the wall and their forks occasionally scraping against their plates.

It wasn't the best pasta she'd ever had, store bought had never been her favorite, but it was sustenance. She had nothing to complain about, aside from the way her bruised throat ached whenever she swallowed.

The pink haired man finished well before she did and left the room with a haste "Be right back."

Lucy had just swallowed her last bite when he reentered the room, a bottle filled with an amber liquid in one hand, plastic cups in the other, and a two liter of cola tucked under his arms.

He grinned at her when she raised her brow inquisitively, her head tilted to the side.

Natsu set everything down and began filling their cups. "I figured that after everything that happened tonight, a few drinks is just what the doctor ordered."

Realistically she knew that drinking with a complete stranger, and already suffering from lack of sleep, was not the best idea.

But Natsu hadn't given her any reason to not trust him, and she was still feeling rather wound up from the night's events.

With the shrug, she took the cup when he handed it to her, taking a large sip.

}{}{}{

Natsu was regretting giving his new friend alcohol about a half an hour later.

After the first sip, she must have realized how badly she'd needed a drink and proceeded to chug the rest. And the one after that.

Now, she was leaning back against the couch, talking his ear off about the pros and cons of instant coffee.

It was a tad annoying, and maybe it was the nice buzz he was feeling, but it was sort of amusing listening to her.

His favorite con had been: _It's fucking disgusting and smells weird._

The pinkette's musings were cut short by a sniffle. His head snapped up to search her face, wondering when it had gone silent. He noticed a tear silently streaming down her face.

"Hey, why are you crying?" He asked gently, brows furrowing.

She jolted, as if she'd forgotten she wasn't alone, and red rimmed chocolate eyes met his.

"I'm not crying." She muttered with a slight slur, even as she wiped her cheeks, more tears replacing them instantly .

Natsu snorted softly, shaking his head.

"Well, I'm pretty sure eyes don't just leak like that for no reason."

She sniffles again, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her hoodie that she'd put on at some point in the night.

"Well I'm pretty sure you're mistaken." She says stubbornly while sitting up, glaring at him, yet there is no heat behind it. "Because I'm not crying."

Lucy takes the bottle and takes a healthy gulp, and he has to stifle laughter when she sputters and coughs from the taste.

As she recovers, he pours another drink for himself and gets more comfortable.

It's an odd feeling, having someone else in the house with him after going so long only having himself for company.

He'd thought of selling the house and getting a smaller place, but pitched the idea the moment it crossed his mind. There may be some awful memories here, but there were also great ones. Natsu didn't have the heart to get rid of the place he grew up in.

But while he had an attachment to his childhood home, the urge to leave this town constantly gnawed at him.

He wanted to get away from all of the heart-wrenching memories, all of the whispers people thought he couldn't hear, and all of the things he could no longer do because people thought he was some sort of monster.

Yeah, he needed to leave this place, even if that meant leaving the good memories behind as well. It was lonely, _he_ was lonely, never having anyone to even just talk to.

With a heavy sigh, he downed his drink, closing his eyes as the liquid created a path of warmth from his throat to his chest, making a home there.

"You know, it's really hard trying to do something you know you might not survive."

Her slurred words snapped his eyes open wide as they registered in his mind.

"What do you mean?" He asked, a cautious edge in his tone.

Her eyes closed and she ran a hand through her messy golden locks, fiddling with the ends.

"There are certain things out there in the world that most people don't know about. People that are capable of doing either great or terrible things. I was told if I tried to run, I probably wouldn't make it. Tonight was an example. If you hadn't been there, I might not have been able to get myself out of that mess." Lucy turned her face away from him, as though her closed lids weren't enough to shield herself from his gaze. "And who knows if I will next time. Because there will be a next time. There always is."

Natsu doesn't know what to say. Words attempt to leave his mouth, but they tangle on his tongue.

He was confused, and had so many questions.

Why was she running and from where? Was she saying she would be attacked again? Were people after her? Did she get into some kind of trouble? What the hell did she do?

Before he could even attempt to respond, the blonde laid sideways on the couch and closed her eyes, nuzzling her face into one of the decorative pillows.

"Mm. Night." She slurred drowsily, before falling quiet.

Natsu just sat there, gaping at her.

"Lucy?" He asked quietly, leaning forward in his seat to poke her shoulder.

She didn't budge, her only movement being the rising and falling of her chest with her even breathing.

Incredulous, Natsu slumped back in his chair.

"You can't just say something like that and pass out!" He grumbled at the sleeping woman in front of him.

He knew, even with the alcohol in his system, that it would keep him up tonight. He'd thought that his only worry would've been her falling asleep at the wheel, but now all he could think of was her being attacked again. If it happened again, like she said it would, he wouldn't be there to save her this time.

What if she died?

His blood ran cold at the thought.

If only he could just go with her…

Bursting from his seat, his knee smashed into the coffee table but he didn't let it slow him down. He threw one last glance at the blonde on the couch, before limping to her purse and snatching her keys.

He didn't stop to think about how creepy he was being, instead limping up the stairs to his room.

There was a lot he needed to pack.

}{}{}{

"You're what?!"

Natsu grinned, leaning back against the passenger side door and running a hand through his disheveled pink locks. "I said I'm coming with ya, weirdo."

Lucy sputtered at him, eyes wide, and irritation making her pale cheeks flush crimson.

"You can't just decide to come with a stranger on a really long road trip, steal her keys, and pack all your shit in her car while she's asleep!" She practically shrieked, stomping her foot on the paved ground.

"Well, I kind of already did." He said, laughing nervously.

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, as her glare sharpened dangerously.

"Are you insane? Why would you do that!" She seethed, unaware that a few of his neighbors were starting to watch the scene from their windows.

Ignoring them as best as he could, he gave her the most serious face he could muster. "I don't know how much of last night you remember, but you told me that you didn't think you would survive the trip and that you'd get attacked again. I can't just sit here and go on with my life like that's ok with me, because it's not. It will drive me insane not knowing if you made it or if you got hurt because I wasn't there." His shoulders slumped and he started fidgeting with the white scaled scarf around his neck. "Besides, there's nothing for me here anyway. There hasn't been for a long time."

The heat left her glare and her eyes softened at his admission, her arms coming to wrap around her midsection. "That can't be true."

Smiling sadly, he gestured around vaguely with his hands. "But it is. Everything changed once some shit went down with my family, and now that they're gone, this town looks at me like I'm unstable. Like I could just combust at any moment and become a danger to society. I'm hardly able to find work, much less keep a job for long. No one will hire me, and when they do they get shit for it so they fire me. Hell, certain stores won't even let me inside."

Slender arms wrapped around him and he jolted in surprise as her body crashed into his.

Before he could even react, he was surprised even further by the sound of her sniffling into his chest.

"That's awful. How could they be so cruel to you like that?" She asked, voice muffled by his shirt.

He lifted his arms and wrapped them awkwardly around her, unsure of where to place his hands.

But he soon found himself melting into the embrace. He couldn't really help it. It had been so long since someone had hugged him, he couldn't even remember the last time. Natsu hadn't realized how badly he'd missed such a simple action.

The embrace was over before he was ready to let go, but he forced himself to remove his arms when she took a small step back. Wiping her eyes, she gave him a soft smile. "What about your house and the rest of your stuff?"

He shrugged, gazing up at the home that held such conflicting memories. "I locked everything up and armed the security system. It should be fine. I'll figure out what to do with it whenever we get to our destination."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her gaze up at the house as well, the wind making her long hair sway from her ponytail.

Suddenly, she twisted around to look at him with a look of fierce determination.

"Alright! If we want to make some good distance today, we better hit the road."

Natsu couldn't help but smile brightly at her enthusiasm. "I'm all fired up!"

Her brow quirked up. "What does that even mean?"

Sticking his tongue out at her in a childish manner, he started ushering her to the car. "It means whatever I want it to mean!"

Sliding into the drivers seat after he'd opened the door for her she grinned up at him, mirth dancing in her eyes.

"That doesn't even make sense!"

Cackling and feeling giddy about the whole situation, he jogged over to his side and hopped in.

"It makes perfect sense!" He declared, taking a final glance at his childhood home as Lucy started the car and began backing out of the driveway.

"Whatever you say, Natsu." She giggled, shaking her head.

As soon as she was on the road, she sped off.

And he didn't even look back.

 **Sorry for the long wait! I'm trying to write whenever I have a spare moment, but those are hard to come by lately. We are currently in the process of buying a home! So, if everything goes according to plan, we will start moving in at the end of next month.**

 **Uhg. We've been going back and forth between staying with my parents and my in-laws. The kids are acting out because of all the change and I'm a big ball of stress. Fun times.**

 **Anyway, I hope you all liked this chapter and I'll see you next time!**

 **Don't forget to leave a review and tell me what you think! They make my whole day.**


	3. I'm back!

**I don't even know what to say other than I'm so unbelievably sorry for how long I've been absent.**

 **I promise I'm still here! And there is no way in hell I am giving up on my stories.**

 **So much has happened since I moved back to my home town. And I know most of you don't really need to know what's been going on, but I'm pretty open with my struggles as of late, and maybe it will make some of you feel less alone in your own struggles.**

 **If some of you may remember, I have mentioned in the past about depression kicking my ass. I always knew I had depression, but I never realized how bad it really was.**

 **Soon after we moved back I went on antidepressants I thought they were working but I wasn't sure because I had never been on them before. Now, during this time and 2 out of the 3 years I lived in Virginia (when I first started writing fanfiction) I was struggling terribly with self harm.**

 **That should have been my first sign that my antidepressants were in fact not working. Actually, I got worse. The moment I started getting suicidal thoughts I stopped taking them altogether. I made a promise with myself that if I kept self harming that I would go and seek mental help. I couldn't be the mother my boys needed me to be if I was constantly hurting myself (they never witnessed me doing it or the aftermath. I always kept my marks covered because I could never let my babies see that)**

 **But I kept doing it. I would be able to resist the urge for weeks, but when I broke…it was bad.**

 **So I checked myself in to a mental health clinic. I was there for a week. And I am SO glad that I did. You guys..it helped me so much. I was shown coping mechanisms and I was understood without anyone looking at me in pity, or that I was a total nut job. I was finally officially diagnosed, as well as being put on medications specific to my exact diagnosis.**

 **Severe depression disorder, severe anxiety, and PTSD.**

 **This was back in January, and I have only self harmed once since then.**

 **Then it was just adjusting to it all. Fine tuning my dosages and going to therapy once a week.**

 **I am finally getting back to myself now, I started making jewelry and being creative again. I am finally feeling happiness and I never realized that I had rarely felt that way all my life.**

 **So I've been binge reading and trying to catch up on everything I have missed.**

 **And today I had the first true urge to write in almost a year! So I decided to write an absurdly long note to you all, explaining way more than I needed to.**

 **If you read to this point, thank you! And I will be slowly getting back into writing things! I'll hopefully be updating my stories soon, but I may or may not try writing a simple story before jumping right back into my other more complicated stories. Kinda like testing the waters, ya know?**

 **Anyway I'll stop my rambling now.**

 **Oh wait one last thing! I have seen every review that has been posted in my absence and I want to thank every one of you who read my stories, even when they hadn't been updated in such a long time.**

 **Ok, now I'm really done.**

 **Love, Lovely.**


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